Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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