Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
