So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
