The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
