I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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