I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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