the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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