My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
