She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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