AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
