So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
