Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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