I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
