I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
COCAINE IS GR8
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
