If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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