dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
