Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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