Do you still have your period?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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