walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
