pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
