So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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