He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
