I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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