My liver just broke up with me...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
