i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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