it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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