smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
