just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
