Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
