I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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