Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
