he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
two words...techno handjob
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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