I am spending my child support on dildos
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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