11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
