Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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