i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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