I'm drive I can fine osifer
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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