I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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