We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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