Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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