she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
then he tried to convert me to islam
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
