She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
