Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
