she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
