how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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