Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
