Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
