my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
