Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
