Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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