..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
