We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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