Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
