haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
