best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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