well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
