i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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