In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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